"Something bizarre has been going on these last few mornings," said Eddie as we sat down for a coffee and a snowball in the tea room, "every morning when I leave the flat I find a bag of shit sitting just beside my gate."
"Human shit?" I inquired with eyebrows raised.
"I didn't really want to check," Eddie took a sip of coffee after replying, "but I'm not the only one getting them, there were three or four houses this morning on my way to work. All in the same white bags we use here."
"Maybe he is trying to make a statement about our service," I mused at the thought of the serial defecator running around leaving little 'presents' for the locals like some twisted Santa Claus. Stranger things have happened in this town... I suppose, but it is still fucking weird.
"What kind of person goes around leaving bags of shit outside people's homes?"
"I don't know, but that's four mornings this week so far. I'm going to get to the bottom of it."
"Appropriate turn of phrase there."
We shared a laugh as we drank our coffee. The tea room in the shop had seen better days but that is to be expected really considering the volume of people to have passed through it over the five years that it has been here for.
Eddie is a happy-go-lucky kind of character, he's got the fairly easygoing nature developed through years of moderate cannabis usage but still has proven to be a more than capable supervisor.
The door of the tea room was thrown open with such a force that I genuinely believed that it had come off it's hinges, a fiery red haired ball of early morning hatred in the form of Miranda had charged in, 15 minutes late but no one was going to mention it.
"God it's bad enough having to come into this place on a Friday morning without having to see you two retards stuffing your faces."
"Well, maybe you'll get lucky and this place will burn down today," I replied off-hand to Miranda's morning ritual.
"God I fucking hope so."
She stormed out of the room once more to go find somebody else to tell her what to do. Eddie watched her go with a wry smile on his face.
"You know, she really needs to get laid."
From across the storeroom I heard the shout, "Eat me, Eddie!"
"Well, if you're game enough to give it a go..."
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